The New, Improved Bachelorette

Sign me up for The Bachelorette, but I'll be making some changes. They'll be getting a deal because they won't have to supply me with six weeks' worth of wardrobe. I'll only need about three days' worth. I ain't stupid, and it won't take me no six weeks to figure out which guys are worth keeping around.*

There will be no fifteen rose mandate for the first night or any other rose count mandated for future rose ceremonies. Thirteen out of twenty-five guys nutjobs? No need to keep three of them around because it is required if I already know they border on psychosis. I'd implement a new strategy to send home the freaks early. I'd give out black roses. Basically, a black rose means, "You're not even worth staying around until the real rose ceremony -- go home right now."

Tonight's black roses go to (for a variety of reasons, none of which include looks): Donato the Clueless Italian, Jesse the spontaneously-dressed snowboarder, Sean the maniac martial arts master, Jon the dyed-blonde beach dude with incredibly white teeth, Twilley the looks-like-he-just-smoked-some-grass guy, Chandler the turkey-caller, Greg the human/coyote tattoo body mural, Brian the conceited abs of steel guy, Paul the stripper with the personalized undies, and Spero the actor and Jeff Goldblum look-alike. I'm positive all of these guys have great qualities. However, their antics for getting her attention were a little over-the-top for me.**

My faves: Fred the Chicago lawyer (who I didn't like at first because of his obnoxious -- er, different -- accent, but eventually fell for his personality), Chris the medical salesman, Jason the single dad, Richard the science teacher who gave her a diamond, and Graham the NBA-starting-a-charity-for-kids guy.***

And for the record, I'm stating these three as ones that will make it to the end: Graham, Richard and Jason. Not because I like them (which I do), but because I'm rooting for Deanna and I can see them as a match for her.

So, there. Now you have my two-cents. Not that you asked.

*Yes, I meant to use the grammar incorrectly.
**I did pretty good. She only kept Twilley and Paul out of my black rose list. Oh, and is it cool to list your occupation as an actor if no one recognizes you?
***She kept all these guys.